Surviving Badly Cancer Loss, Complex Grief and Other Sh*t stuff
“I looked at the carpet, stained red with the blood my husband had just thrown up. In that moment I made up my mind. Ignoring Jonathan’s wishes, I called an ambulance. Even in his weakened state, he glared at me with deep annoyance as I dialled 999.”
In October 2019, Thelma Ainsworth’s life changed forever. Her husband, Jonathan came home early from work saying he needed to go to the hospital. Later that evening tests revealed the unthinkable: Jonathan had cancer. Three weeks later he was gone.
From the moment of Jonathan’s diagnosis, Thelma’s world rapidly fell apart. The life she knew was ripped away, replaced by one she couldn’t have imagined – and definitely didn’t want.
As she navigates the shockwaves of her husband’s illness and sudden, devastating loss, Thelma is forced to confront hard truths about herself, her marriage, and the people around her. Grief becomes a mirror, exposing fractures, regrets, and vulnerabilities she can no longer ignore.
Can she find a way to endure the unimaginable? Does she even want to?
I Am A Wolf Tonight by Thelma Ainsworth is an intimate and unflinching memoir of love, loss, and the raw reality of grief. When cancer takes someone you love, it leaves behind more than sorrow – it reshapes the very core of who you are. In this powerful debut, Thelma Ainsworth lays bare the heartbreak of loss, the complexities of mourning, and the relentless struggle of rebuilding a life as a single parent that will never be the same.
With searing honesty, and poetic intensity, she explores the depths of grief, the fight to reclaim herself, and the resilience it takes to keep moving forward – no matter how broken the path. The first in the Surviving Badly series, I Am A Wolf Tonight is not just a story of loss; it’s a testament to survival, self-discovery, and the fierce, untamed strength that grief awakens.
Thelma Ainsworth is a lawyer, writer, and fierce advocate for resilience in the face of adversity. A Cambridge University law graduate, she has navigated the demanding worlds of legal private practice, government service, and international law as a former City lawyer and New York attorney. Beyond the courtroom, she spent a decade as an officer in the armed forces, serving both in the UK and abroad – an experience that shaped her unflinching perspective on strength, survival, and reinvention.
Her debut memoir, I Am a Wolf Tonight, is the first in her upcoming Surviving Badly series, an unfiltered exploration of love, loss, and the raw realities of grief. She lives in London with her two children, where she continues to write, work, and navigate life’s complexities with grit and heart.